This Christmas fucking sucks. There… I’ve announced it on the interwebs; I feel better now.

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This guy here has cost me a fortune in the last two months, but… he’s alive and healing so I feel like I actually hit the jackpot. #caturday #Seamus
https://www.instagram.com/p/BqBNyQ4n72uwRWzxht-YMxaBTJFaLm5J4e0AtI0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1ms9ougcb2gch

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The sober Ex took a grateful me on a sunset outing along the Columbia river.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BnZRhd8hdmtNDRciWGxre23R5ony5ah2EcLCYs0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=wecjzp31pvsb

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Demon dog, or happy dog? If you knew what she was doing, you’d definitely say “smart dog.” I mean… that look in her eye is everything.

Found on Facebook by Devon Downeysmith. What do you think?

“I just learned some information that I found helpful, and wanted to share it with you too in the event that it helps you as well.

I recently spoke with someone well-versed in how media impacts our brains. She said that news is now presented in a way to intentionally engage people emotionally.

That approach, combined with 24-hour news and it’s amplification on social media, creates a cycle wherein we are continuously experiencing trauma. That is the phrase she used — “experiencing trauma.”

She said that before cable news and social media, when our cultural norm to start the day with a newspaper and end it with the evening news, people may have been upset, but there was an entire day of events and experiences in between. Time when our brains weren’t experiencing trauma.

Now, living in a culture of push notifications — the buzzing phone, the buzzing smartwatch right on the wrist, the never-ending scroll of social media news shares — people are not only experiencing the trauma of what’s happening in our country now, but they’re experiencing it viscerally ALL DAY LONG through HOW we consume media.

She told me that this takes an emotional, mental and even a physical toll, making us feel despair and unable to change anything or even live our daily lives.

I do not intend for this message to preachy; as a social media marketer and PR consultant it’s my job to be very plugged in to current events. And I’ve been feeling the impact of this lately, which is why I wanted to share what I just learned.

This expert told me to turn my push notifications off, decide when I WANT to check in on the news, or what’s happening on social media. It will make it more manageable to simply reclaim the news as something I take in when I want to, versus being inundated by it constantly. And for those of us with small kids, she said it is extremely important to not have TV news on while they’re in the room, even if it’s just in the background. She said it’s too much for their brains to process, and doesn’t think kids should be exposed to TV news until their pre-teens because it affects their emotions and minds so deeply. She recommends radio and podcast news for when kids are around.

She ended by telling me that in not allowing ourselves to continually experience the trauma of horrifying headlines and the emotional reactions news outlets want from us, we then put ourselves in a better position to take action, join movements, create social change, and make a difference.

I hope this helps you as it helped me. Let’s take care of ourselves and each other.”

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Mom, God, Dad, Van Gogh, and Cécile Brunner all in one shot.

Update: Most the alcoholics in my life are finally getting sober… Roomie (L'il Yellow Brother), the Ex, and L'il Sis. Never thought I’d see the day. Glory, glory hallelujah and all that jazz.

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Wildflowers to brighten Big Sis’s dark days.

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Roomie’s not doing so well… right now he’s finally off to get his belly drained. The six hour wait has almost been like they’re saying to him, “you’re just a pathetic drunk, and you got yourself into this mess, so you’re just gonna have to suffer.” Fuck them.

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A metaphorical glimpse inside my brain right now… so much chaos.

Occasionally on Sunday nights when I’m heading to bed I pretend it’s several years ago and I know I have to get up early in the morning and start another long week at work so I set my phone alarm for 5:00 a.m. and when it goes off the next morning I marinade for a bit in the gleeful relief I feel after a few seconds of initial panic before turning it off and going back to sleep.

Your day will come my dears… have a lovely Monday.

The Terminal Older Brother has lived long enough to complete his documentary and will get to enjoy it’s premier in a couple of weeks. I’m bringing extra tissues, ‘cause I know how it ends.

Okay, here is an update on my previous post.

The Older Sis is now settling in at the psychiatric facility. The staff encourages family visits as much as possible at specific times of the day like meal times, and at doctor rounds. So, it sounds like my sole purpose of going down there would be to contribute to the visitation rotation. I have no problem with that, and in fact I want to wholeheartedly participate if it helps the Older Sis at all.

But what will I do to occupy my time when I’m not visiting her? I do NOT want to hang out with the L'il Yellow Brother (I’m not being callous with that label… it’s just my way of dealing with his sad situation)… that would (like @itsathought2 says) suck the emotional life out of me. But he is living where I usually stay when I’m in town, so I have made arrangements to stay at two different friends homes while I’m there… maybe three. Spending time with them always balances out my sensibilities and grounds me when I need it.

I do plan on spending some time with the Older Terminal Brother. He’s actually a delight to be around… something about knowing you’re living past your predicted death tends to make one that way.

I think with these pre-arrangements, and plans to spend time with some non-emotionally sucking friends, I’ll be good.

You guys really gave me good advice and things to consider, and I sincerely appreciate the time and thought you put into it. I hope you’re all having a great weekend. *mwah*

I need advice. A simple yes or no would be perfect.

Okay… I’ll try to make this brief. Older Sis is voluntarily being admitted to a mental health facility right now. L'il Sis and my niece are with her. I’ve been there a bit, via speaker phone, but I’m at my home 170 miles away.

L'il Brother (ex-Roomie… the yellow one with alcoholism who just had a medical emergency less than two weeks ago) will now be alone in Older Sis’ house and he is NOT doing what he needs to be doing to get well other than abstaining from the drink.

I know the Older Sis is scared as she has not been hospitalized since she was a child, and never in a psychiatric ward, and I’ve just found out a bed may not be available for her until tomorrow night which means she has to stay in the ER until then… in a suicide watch room at that.

L'il Sis wants me to come to town for awhile to help deal with all of this. She is a struggling alcoholic, and I’m not sure that she’s not asking this for her own benefit, rather than the two sibs.

I am really torn. On the one hand, I love my sibs and want to be a positive support to all of them. On the other hand, I am finally in a place where I am enjoying the rewards that come from recovering from co-dependency issues. “Enjoy” and “rewards” are probably the wrong words… but I think you know what I mean. My life is steadily improving… I’m successfully taking it back and I’m hesitant to get wrapped up in all these family messes again. I’ve erected boundaries and I don’t want anything to threaten them; they keep me healthy.

So, what say you? You don’t need to explain your answer if you don’t want… just a yes/go or a no/stay. I know how these kinds of posts aren’t really popular, so I’ll be grateful to get even one answer.

P.S. I’m not completely sure that I’m NOT asking this to benefit my desire to stay here… but I could be. If you think that may be the case, I would just ignore me and scroll on. Good grief, what a web we weave…

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Three interior shots of a house a few blocks away that burned ten years ago. It’s still standing, wrapped up in some sort of bureaucracy web. Very eerie.